Tag: marriage

What Do You Buy For the Person Who Has it All?

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time

Last month was my mother’s birthday. I had no idea what to get her. Shopping for her used to be fairly easy, but now finding the right gift is no longer as easy. When I asked my husband for advice on what I should give her – my question to him was “What do you get for the person who has everything?” And, of course, in Socratic wisdom his answer was “Your time.”

Most people when given the choice of an object or time with a person will choose the person. When Ikea producers asked children if they would prefer Christmas presents for the holiday season or more time with their parents, every single child chose time. People want your time; they don’t want more stuff.

This is even applicable on a higher, spiritual level. Which do you believe that God wants more – your tithe or your time? God doesn’t need your money. The earth and the fullness thereof belongs to Him – the entire world and all that dwell therein belong to Him. But God, the Creator of the Universe wants to spend time with you.

Spend time with God – it is how you cultivate and grow a relationship with Him. Spend time with your friends and families. Time is your most precious commodity – spend it well.

 

The Yes Dear Marriage (1 Kings 1:28)

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When Denzel Washington was asked by a reporter what the key to success was in his 25-year marriage, his response was; “Do whatever your wife tells you. Yes, dear. Breathe.”

Marriage begins with Yes.

When a man (or woman) proposes the one word that they need to hear to begin the marriage journey is “Yes.” The phrases “Yes”, “I do”, or “I will” is the start of the marriage and continuing the usage of the word keeps the marriage going.

Biblically, we are told that wives are to submit to their husband – or in simple terms – “Yes, Dear.” And Husbands are given a Biblical mandate to love their wives – in simple terms – “Yes, Dear.”

When Bathsheba went to David to ask him about Solomon taking over his kingship, David in his old age had learned how to properly respond to his wife. His response to her request: Yes Dear.

Most people are familiar with the Year of Yes, but fewer people understand how powerful a Marriage of Yes can be. In life, yes attracts opportunities and opens doors – it can make life richer, fuller and more vibrant.

In a marriage, yes creates a home of unity. Yes stretches and strengthens the relationship. Yes makes a marriage richer, fuller, and more vibrant.

When Every Disagreement Turns into an Argument

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Via StockSnap
Via StockSnap

All couples experience conflict… it’s inevitable. If you are married, and you’ve never experienced conflict, then your relationship simply isn’t passionate enough. Some couples don’t like to admit that they have disagreements because they’re afraid that they’re vicariously telling people that they have bad communication. But it’s a false assumption and myth that a lack of agreement means you’re an awful communicator. The New York Times journalist who broke the internet when she suggested making guacamole out of peas is still a great communicator despite the rest of the world disagreeing with her.

The logical thing to do is to agree to disagree. On a superficial level, this is good advice and easy to say – but when you have a disagreement about finances, parenting or a similar issue – agreeing to disagree simply isn’t an option. You have to make a decision to spend the money or not – continue with time-outs or revert to spanking. The gray area of agreeing to disagree completely disappears. And that’s when a disagreement often turns into an argument.

The technical definition of an argument is a “typically” heated or angry exchange of opposite views. When people argue, they attack each other’s logic. But here’s a thought: instead of attacking each other’s logic, figure out a way to solve the problem. Of course, this is easier said than done. If both people believe that the resolution is rooted in the other person accepting and applying their opinion to the problem, you don’t get far.

If you want to resolve a problem and side-step the argument, you’ve got to be willing to dig deep. A lot of the disagreements that I have with my husband have deep roots. A conflict over finances is often rooted in fear and insecurity. But sometimes it’s something else like irresponsibility or impulsiveness. Conflicts over how to parent is often rooted in childhood. How we were raised affects how we parent, and sometimes ‘issues’ with our childhood spill over into our parenting. Again, it’s about uncovering the root. Once the root is uncovered and dealt with, it’s unlikely that we’ll have an argument about it again in the future.

And when all else fails, I try to remember that we are on the same team. We are both on Team Wakefield. We’re a united front. And that is exactly what happens during a disagreement, you forget that you’re on the same team. We are not each other’s opponent – the opponent is the problem.